How to get what you want in 2012- by Tanya Birks

How to get what you want in 2012- by Tanya Birks




A New Year , a New You! Right? LOL, Not so much. Let’s be real people, there is no difference between the “you” in 2011 and the “you” in 2012. If anything you may have gotten worse! I know I have :)..Newton's Law states that “ For every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction”.. Well I prefer to go with “ For every action, there is someone refusing to take it” .

So, let’s spend less time making false claims about how we are going to be awesome in 2012 and actually start laying the groundwork for a bonafide plan. How do you make real and important changes in 2012? Lucky for you, I have some answers. While I don’t claim to be a guru on how to have a better life, I have made some tremendous changes for the better in my life since 2009 so I would like to say I gained knowledge through experience. And I would like to share that knowledge with you. Excuse my humor but I figured “straight shooting” with a dash of “comedic spicing” would make that pill called “reality” all the more easy to swallow :)

1. Understand your Limitations


Before venturing off into this great new world that we call “ 2012” it’s important to understand that there are some things you can do and others that you simply cannot. Most of us, as children, were told that we could do anything we put our minds to as long as we just tried our best and persevered. Well I am here to tell you that notion is plainly not true. Some people are meant to succeed and others simply are not. In addition, some people have the wherewithal to pull 100% from inside themselves and succeed and others, just don’t. Its why some people are billionaires and others are homeless on the street. It’s why we have celebrities that are worshipped and doctors who are complete no namers. Now, I know I sound rough and even a bit discouraging but I believe the first step in setting new years resolutions (that you can actually keep) is to understand your boundaries. If you know it’s always been hard for you to lose weight, don’t set a goal to lose 50 lbs in 2012, perhaps set a goal for 2 lbs per month, and take it month by month. Setting such lofty goals is going to lead you down the road of disappointment. If you know you aren’t even dating someone seriously, it’s best not to resolve to “Get married in 2012”. First of all, that is plain nonsense, and second of all who wants to exist for an entire year with that type of burden on their shoulders. When you are on your dates, you will be blinded and biased because of your “resolution” to marry, that scumbags will start to look eerily like Prince Charming. Be careful! Perhaps just promise yourself that you will date more regularly, put yourself out there more and take a few more risks. Keep it manageable. People get so blinded by the concept of a brand new fresh year that they quickly lose sight of reality, which can be very dangerous and not to mention, annoying. How often have you dealt with someone who you knew who was flaky and inconsistent yet continued to promise you they would actually follow through on something they said? Its horrific and a huge hassle. So instead of focusing on yourself, you have to exert energy to entertain this flow of nonsense from someone who will accomplish nothing! That brings me to my next point…



2. Be Selfish

OK, OK I know it takes a village to raise a child, but I would say it does NOT take a village to reach your new years resolutions. You want people to be vaguely aware of your goals but not so intertwined that they start to sabotage your focus. I am not one of those people who views the world through rose colored glasses ( if you can’t already tell) so I try to look on the realistic side of things versus the idealistic side of an issue. OK, so say you want to reach 5 goals in 2012 and you feel like you will do better if you have family and friends behind you. Let me tell you why this is a horrible, awful idea. First, there is jealousy. I am just gonna be honest with you here, no matter what anyone may say, when you start reaching milestones and shooting up like a star, you are going to have people who are grouchy and envious that you are succeeding. Even the ones who appear not to( yep, them too ). Being surrounded by a bunch of jealous people who are secretly hoping you fail will get you nowhere. You need a clear mind and a open heart at all times to achieve your dreams and being burdened down by the lead weight of “haters” is going to do you in. Say you are on a diet program and are out with friends. You’ve lost some weight, you are looking fit and fab and you choose to order a “Dietary meal” at the restaurant. What do you think happens next? Oh I think you know. “ Oh come on, its just one cheat meal, get something good! Don’t spoil our evening. You only live once” spouts your best bud. So then there you go, right down the slippery slope back to your old ways. Before you know you are drinking margaritas hand over fist and throwing caution to the wind. OK so this being said, it’s important to note that you must work on yourself first, and others second. Yes yes I know this sounds atrocious but this is the only way you can achieve multiple goals within the confines of 1 year’s time. Trust me. You’ve got to hunker down, develop a central focus like a laser beam and start digging deep. Now don’t get wrong, I am not saying that you must ignore others and just float through life like the Queen of Sheba, but just make sure that your own personal development is the #1 priority in your life at all given times. You want to give friends and family some information as to what you are trying to accomplish but by no means should you ever indulge them with specifics or claim that you must tell them so they can hold you “Accountable”. I must say, that word is starting to bug me. I understand that one must be held accountable for their actions at work and with their kids or whatever the primary responsibilities one has in life. However, in regards to your own personal dreams and goals, there is no one who can hold you accountable in the way that you need them to. Be accountable for yourself! There will always be some underlying and ulterior motive to these so called “Accountability partners”. At some point there will be a rift, a change, a gap or a worst of all, a competition that develops. I am not suggesting that you be racked with paranoia and distrust but keep your head on a swivel and your eyes open at all times. The same hand used to pat you on the back can just as soon slip around your throat and squeeze. So if you value your air supply, you may want to listen closely to what I am telling you. Mind your business and allow other people to mind theirs. Ok so your good friend wants to go back to school to finish their degree this year, GREAT.. your sister wants to save up money this year and go on a vacation, EXCELLENT! But what on earth has that got do with you? Nothing. Exactly. If it’s not about you, then unfortunately you must nod, smile and ease on down the road. There is supportive and then there is just plain nosy! Be careful.



3. Put it in Writing

I know this has been said over and over but I really believe in this one. Seeing a goal in writing sets it in stone and imprints the ideas into your mind. You've written it, you've seen it, so lets make it happen. Keep the list in a place where you can see it or even better, in a private journal( privacy so important!). Its important that you don't just hand write a sketchy list a, tack it on the wall and ignore it for the majority of 2012. Refer to it on a monthly basis. The best way to be sure that you don't turn your back on your goals is to break them up into 12 steps. For each goal, you must have 12 steps... yes, that would be one for each month of the year. This is key because you are able to crack your journey until into small, manageable bits and then you don't get so overwhelmed. I did this when I was planning a wedding, losing weight, working 50 jobs , oh and going to school at night for my Masters degree. I would have lost control of everything had I not given myself " to do " items for each month leading up to the events. Say for example, your New Years resolution is to " be nicer to your family". Well in that case, its trickier but still possible! Simply make a list of what you will do each month in the year to be "nicer", such as a host family event at your home, send out birthday cards on time( and have it mean something), or perhaps to attend the annual family reunion that you always strategically miss. Simple. That way you have just 1 milestone per month to hit, plus you feel a sense of accomplishment right away and don't have to wait until the end of 2012 to see the benefits from your efforts. I always find it neat to check off my items once they are done. There is something about seeing that line scratched through an item that gives me fulfillment. Maybe I am extremely sketchy, but maybe I am onto something. Breaking your goals up into smaller line items will prevent you from being overwhelmed and allow you to breath easily as you coast through 2012 feeling successful and kindly requesting that people " eat your dust!".


4. Develop a Thick Skin

Alright this point may very well be the most crucial. No one ever got anywhere in life without a bit of rejection. Understand that in order to reach your goals, you are gonna have to be ready to take a few punches..to the face. Assume that everyone in the world is out to get you and does not want you to succeed. Yes, I know this is nonsensical, but hear me out. When you go into anything, such as a job interview or acting audition, behaving as if you " have the job' is not normally suggested. You want a strong sense of confidence yet humility. If you know exactly what you are doing, and you are good at your job or craft, they will see that and you will get hired. Developing a thick skin and NOT wearing your heart on your sleeve are the surefire ways to get to the top, and fast. No one gets anywhere with a heart of gold ( life is not a Disney movie or a Pixar productions). In real life, the bitches always win. Now let me get down to the brass tacks. If you want something bad enough you have to be willing to fight for it, and by fight I mean scratch, scrape and bleed for it. None of this walking the fence, toeing the line, changing your mind and being indecisive. Put your foot down and for Gods sake, go for it! Don't take no for an answer and don't give up at the first sign of defeat. People may laugh at you, discourage you and shoot down your ideas but you have to just sit on the floor and cry for like a second, and then get up, reorganize, then plan and then plan again, if necessary. Don't get bogged down by defeat,. don't be oversensitive and over dramatic. Spend more energy on the action versus the reaction. I know this is easier said than done but I swear on my life that it works. Assume that life is like a chess game; always be thinking the next step ahead. While you are making your current move, try to anticipate life's next challenge. Assume that life is " guilty" until proven innocent. Being kind, loving and generous is great but when you are almost to the top of Mount Everest with little oxygen and hypothermia setting in, who do you think will make it to the top? The doe eyed climber with a gentle demeanor and a soft spot for others or the scrappy bearded beast of a man who would gnaw off his own arm if it meant succeeding. Sometimes you have to step outside of yourself, to improve yourself. Don't think in terms of " this makes me sad" or " she hurt my feelings when she.."or . "I Would but I am tired".. go beyond your own simple feelings and lock in on the ultimate goal. Nothing and No one should get in your way.


5. Be in the Right place at the right time

This is a good one. I would like to talk about luck and how this plays into achieving goals and being successful in 2012. I admit, I am one of those people who loves to chalk things up to "luck" as in " oh she got a promotion? well of course she got lucky cause her manager was just so happening to retire", or " oh she never has to diet and stay so thin, what luck! "... Its a never ending cycle. Now, all jokes aside, some people do truly succeed due to luck. Let's be honest, having wealthy parents gives the average child one hell of a jump start on life. No matter how crazy and egotistical your wealthy parents may be, you can bet you are going to be in a nice house, and get a great education( paid for) and also be introduced to extremely influential people who can help put you in the right places. A child from a poor family will not get the same advantages as you and therefore is having to work with what I call a " Shady deck". Rosario Dawson was sitting on the front steps of her Brownstone one day when a MOVIE PRODUCER just so happened to be walking by, loved her look and literally hired her for a feature film, like that day. Come on people, that would be sheer luck. Also Pamela Anderson was discovered when she was caught on the jumbo-tron at a football game of some kind. Randomness occurs every day. Ok so we get that, but what about the rest of us? I look at it like a game and that game is called Create Your Own Luck. This is not easy but is doable with the right guidance. Its easy to sit around and whimper and moan about how this person or that person is lucky, but while you are doing that you are missing out on your own opportunities. There are two main ways to create your own luck. The first, is to create opportunities for you to succeed. This can be done by being in the right place at the right time. I figure if you keep putting yourself in the right place at the right time, eventually something has got to stick! For example, if your goal for 2012 is to find a new man or woman in your life. However you spend most weekends at home, drinking and watching movies and hanging out with friends. While this is great, you aren't putting yourself in the right places! Make a point to be where the other single people are, even if these places aren't exactly desirable to you. Remember what I said in point #4, develop a thick skin and get beyond your basic feelings. Go to where the ladies and the men will be and keep going there until something happens, because it will. Statistically, it has to. Don't be afraid to try unconventional methods or network with coworkers and family/friends, just to see who is out there. If you sit with your head in the sand moping, Mr or Ms Perfect is going to walk right past you. Ok so the second way you can Create your own Luck is to Recognize an opportunity for what it is. This one is key, because a lot of say we were " dealt a bad hand" or " can never catch a break" when in reality, we actually have! And possibly may have caught several breaks, but were so clouded by misery or mistrust that we let those slip away. Be on the look out for signs that show you are ready to succeed. This will take work and what I like to call " pounding the pavement". For example, if you are seeking a promotion at your job and are working towards improving your numbers/impressing your boss you can use my strategy to Create Your Own Luck. You know what you boss wants, so for goodness sake, give it to him/her! Focus on work assignments that shine the best light on you( even the simple ones), take on assignments that other workers may deem undesirable and make sure to always be dressed to impress even if your work environment is casual. If this promotion is coming up, and you know you have the experience and qualifications to possible earn that, sit down and orchestrate a plan. Don't just say " well Cindy always sucks up to the boss so I know she will get it". Well them time for you to start sucking up to the boss as well. Look at your work ethic and your timing but also look at your ability to lead others and spit shine the hell out it. Come in early, stay late, volunteer for things. Just keep your face in the place! What is really the difference between you and Cindy? Is she really sucking up or is she putting in some overtime that you aren't and actually just handling her business? Make yourself indispensable and be a major player on your team at work, not just a side kick or an extra. Show your boss who is boss :)

Alright folks, that's all I have. Tough Love is the only Love I know.
If you want 2012 to be your best yet and you want to actually reach your goals, you have to be Too Legit to Quit, 365 days of the freaking year.



Best,

Tanya Birks