Sprint Triathlon: My usual fight to the finish, but this time, it meant more
Okay so this morning I competed in another triathlon, a sprint distance. This one was hosted by Ironhead Race group including a 400 meter swim, a 11 mile bike ride and concluded by a 2 mile run. No big deal right? Well for even the most accomplished of triathletes, the phenomenon called "under training" can be a huge detriment. Yikes, I got caught up the last month and kind of "forgot" that I had signed up for another triathlon, yeah apparently its possible to completely forget a triathlon ( I know I know).
Most people who know me, would find this a bit out of character for me because I am very organized and focused. However since losing my job in April 2009, I have been a little more scatter brained and flighty! Without the forced structure of a 9 to 5, you have no idea how easy it is to completely lose sight of reality and start floating through life like a nimbus cloud!
So this morning I wake up at 5 am ( typical of the triathlon lifestyle) and head out to Grand Prarie Texas with low expectations based on my inability to train enough/regularly. I figured with the shorter distance I would be ok. Once I set up my transition area and headed down to the water ( Joe Pool Lake) to take a few warm up laps around the buoy and immediately the feeling of competitiveness took over me ( have no reason to feel that way given that I had not trained to actually "compete", more like , survive! )LOL
Its so funny how you can go into a triathlon and swear you are only doing the race to "finish" and then once that whistle goes off you are carefully watching the people around you to see who is trying to get ahead of you, or looking at the body markings of those around you to see what age group they are in. Speaking of age group, I am in 25 to 29 , which means there are young, hot, muscular fast and very in shape women in my age group. What makes it worse is that the winners and top competitors in my age group are energetic and humble and have great personalities, so you can't even hate them! ( yuck).
So back to the race..... The water was warm ( of course, so NO wetsuits allowed, so its every man for himself !), and there were about 350 competitors in the race so each wave was a pretty good size. The whistle blows and my wave goes off to start the swim, a short and basic distance, 400 meters. I feel cool, calm and collected, even though I was a bit worried since I had not done a non-wetsuit race, since last September! Fortunately, the bit of swim training that I had actually done in the last 4 weeks ( about two swims per week at MOST done at crazy slow pace with a lackluster attitude) was enough for me to complete the swim and feel good. The water was murky and sketchy ( as is customary with lakes) but I had on my fav NIKE tinted racing goggles so even the pool looks murky when I wear those! Now understand it was done ultra slow ( took me 11 minutes ) but it was done. My last two races were Olympic distance events ( 1 mile swim,23 mile bike, 10K run) so I figured I could easily make way through this one and call it a day. HAAHA WRONG! I got my butt handed to me, and NOT on a silver platter. After the "Easy swim" was when things began go downhill a bit. I got on my bike and felt good with the knowledge it was only 11 miles instead of the 20+ I had grown to fear ( I mean ride), much to my dismay many very strong and talented triathletes had attended this event and apparently they ALL brought their A Game. On the bike course, I felt confident because it was a relatively flat and nontechnical course all set up within the confines of Lynn Creek Park. I have new aerobars installed on my bike so this was another opportunity for me to gain some speed by riding "aero". It did make a difference but I could barely focus because so many people were blazing past me at 100 mph and they seemed to not be putting any effort at all, while I was giving all I had only to huff and puff the bare minimum speed. I ended up doing well ( personally), however I pushed a bit too hard and didn't spare much energy for the run, which was "only" 2 miles. Under normal circumstances , 2 miles would be nothing, however today it may as well have been 10 miles. I was so tired during the first mile, and so many people were passing me and I felt like a huge black slug melting under the hot sun ( and I guess salt?) and I could hardly put one foot in front of the other. Its normal to feel a bit wobbly when transitioning from the bike to run , but when the run is only 2 miles, you don't necessarily have 1 mile to get your "legs under you", like you would in a long course race. The last mile I was able to suck it up and really try to push the short distance but by then it was too late and I was already beaten by nearly everyone in my age group. Lord knows when the last time I ran ( well ran fast), my running training was more like 5 to 6 miles casual jogs, its much easier to daydream, let your mind wander about where you crazy and sketchy life is going when you are jogging versus running at a good training pace. Triathlon is one of those big things that you only get out of it what you put into it. I know people say that about other sports and other aspects of life, but in triathlon, you truly only only get what you put on. No cheating , No short cuts, and No "getting by", if you don't train, it always always shows unless you are an Ironman finisher and decide to do a sprint triathlon " just for kicks". Other than that, no way! I have done a good number of triathlons to date( some long and some short), but each time I cross the finish line I feel that sense of accomplishment diminishing, only because I know I should be a top competitor in my age group and I know that I have not done what it takes in my training to get me to that point or to ever reach my Ironman "lofty" goal. I don't have all the big cash that other athletes have ( or a rich husband to hand over said cash) but I do have a brand new shiny bike with all the bells and whistles, all the gear I need, a coach, a training team and yeah, did I mention plenty of TIME to train. I sold myself short, yet again, and its grating at my heart and my confidence. You have to put up or shut up in the world of triathlon and I need to really do some soul searching and make sure this sport is what I really want right now.
As a person who is accustomed to a fair amount of success in life, its tough to be the sketchy rookie again, the beginner and the one who clearly needs the most work. Most people won't believe this but I am not an athlete by nature, I don't have those natural talents and abilities that make some people great, all I have is my focus, energy and dedication, and for some reason I am starting to lose , even those traits. The very traits that all my success in life, up to this point, has been built upon. A triathlon is one of those events that is meant to create a sense of confidence and accomplishment, the fun goes away when you feel yourself feeling about 1 inch tall when the best of the best cream you every race.
I've lost my job and in turn, am allowing myself to slowly lose everything I have worked for and also psychologically and emotionally. I feel myself going through a breakdown and blaming everything on the fact that I was laid off from work. Its like I am one of the three little pigs and my house is the one made of straw and if I don't hurry and build something a bit stronger, it will eventually be blown down.I am a turning point right now, I have to do or die. Is my glass half empty or half full? What am I going to make of my job situation? My triathlon future? My relationships? My mental state? Instead of just throwing in the towel, I am going to use that towel to wipe my face and start over again.
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